it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
