Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
