We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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