i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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