Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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