no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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