i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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