I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
