Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
