You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
