I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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