Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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