I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
