I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
