if you like me you must not know who I am
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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