Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
