Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Floor bacon is actually really good
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
