The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
