Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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