whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
