hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
