I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
