he puts the penis in happiness.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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