you traded sex for a burrito?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
