I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
