That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
