Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
