Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
