i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
