Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
