butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
