he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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