I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
