her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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