I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
