It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
