ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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