She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
