I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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