final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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