stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
