The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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