Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
