Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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