I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
