yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
