My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize