I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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