Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
