We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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