new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
