I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still dying that you shit outside
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
