This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
