dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
