You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
