I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
