If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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